i am twenty three

to start.

I branded this blog ‘i am twenty three’ because I am, but it is purely just a brand to signify that I am in my 20’s. I resonate a lot with similar concepts of ‘navigating your 20s’ but I am me and nobodies stories are the same so here I am taking advantage of my openness and sharing my minds thoughts, my fucked up stories, my life, my journey of maturing and filling my time with something I love rather than scrolling on tiktok. welcome. 

my decision to stay anonymous is to give me freedom to share my stories and allow you to know me better than one person….. but never actually know me. I’m an extremely open person and have never much felt it was a fault, till that certain wave of maturing hit me and I realised my willingness to share everything with anyone made me less interesting. 

just another girl.

basically, yes. but so are you, just another. 

have you ever worked in a strip club? moved from your little country to one of the biggest cities in the world? been skinny and fat and skinny again in one single year? had sex with one of your ex boyfriends best friends in a bush on the side of a footpath? been taken on a double date with two kevin hart looking south african fellas that flicked you 500 to get a taxi home after he clearly got the wrong idea and thought you were an escort? Ill stop before I give to much away. 

also, like some of you, I’ve struggled with my identity, slipped in and out of depression, lived 23 years with undiagnosed adhd (now diagnosed), had eating disorders, drunk too much, felt super alone and relied on myself to get my shit together, which, sorry if you’re too sensitive to hear it, is so fucking basic. if your in your 20’s and haven’t experienced any of the previous you need to get a life. 

i have really painted a picture of myself that is far from how I see myself. sitting behind this screen is a pisces girl, I have a gift of loving deeply, I have a special, amazing and loving family, the truest friends and I have the ability to put to words exactly how I’m feeling which I hope you’ll allow yourself to see. this blog is merely an outlet to not restrict my life to certain people and as I did when I was younger, share every thought but now more processed and relatable. 

lyf.

i spent the first 22 years of my life picking up the feathers left by people I thought were ‘cool’ and sticking them onto my own back. I went to boarding school in a small city where if you were classed as ‘cool’ the city would know you more than you know it. neither luckily or unluckily, I guess I was ‘cool’. looking back on it I feel as though my friends were the cool ones and I probably just got mixed up in it. 

individual was what the ‘nerd’s’ were, which is ridiculous isn’t it? The people that expressed themselves were the ones judged the most? I followed the trends of the person in front of me, aiming to be like them and making decisions based off what I think they would do, which inevitably left me stuck in that toxic hole of comparison. during my teenage years I played sport quite successfully, I made jokes in class, some people would say I bullied them, I got invited to everything, I went to parties, got wasted and kissed boys I shouldn’t have, I went to uni and studied sport but failed, I got embarrassed being in public with my family, I judged people because they were different, that was who I was and because of it, its who I am. 

a year and 8 months ago I moved to london, I was 22, I had no career and had lived in my city for half my life, moving home to my wee town just wasn’t an option. london to me is not a city, its a phase of my life that put me in its teethy mouth, chewed me up and left me spat out the taxi window, this phase of my life was the most turbulent and shaping period that has only now let me see its value. 

these days I search for words to explain what my ‘thing’ is; my gift, my spark, my core but nothing has quite fit the title yet. I believe we are all given something, a passion. within this ‘london phase’ I found mine and it led me to finding me! my first ever clairvoyant told me “the key to your present is through your past”, she was meaning my past life. This women had open the gates to narnia and guided me to realising history was where I would find myself. I love history, united kingdom history but mostly Scottish history, independently studying this has taught me more than the centuries, it showed me how capable I am and shamelessly claiming this as my ‘thing’ after once judging people who enjoyed it has made me feel ‘cooler’ than I did when I was 17. 

wrap.

So, twenty three will be my diary and my hobby and hopefully something you can read that’ll shut out the outside noises. Ill tell you about ‘london phase’ but watch out for ‘edinburgh phase’. 

remember – when youre you, youre cool.